very likely having a good fun time

Here you will find a collection-- currently under construction-- of my fanfiction, and perhaps other assorted odds and ends.

Places you can find me:

• Dreamwidth
• AO3 (All work is archive-locked here)
• Squidgeworld (Individual versions of my one-shots that first appeared as chapters of a challenge work, all are public)
• Pinboard (Fanfiction and other assorted bookmarks)
• Conjoined, my podlycule-cast with Hope and Bees
• Feel free to email me at tei@fastmail.com

Transformative works policy:

You don't need my permission, because this is fanfiction to begin with! You can bet I didn't get it ;)

However, to clarify, I nevertheless give my enthusiastic permission to anyone who would like to remix, transform, or build upon my fic in any of the ways that we as a fan community transform canons. That includes but is not limited to: podfic, translation, printing out, fanart, fanmixes, vids, moodboards, and further fanfiction based on my work.

I do not grant permission for reposting my work, or the creation of transformative works of my work that you profit off of (including online platforms such as patreon or ko-fi.)

If you do create something based on my work, please let me know!

My fanfiction

Much of the work listed below contains explicit sexual activity; all of it, including that which does not contain explicit sex, is "adult" in the sense of being written by an adult and, hopefully, appealing to adult perspectives on the world. Anyone who considers themselves capable of assuming such perspectives, regardless of chronological age, is welcome to read it.

If you have questions about these stories or any of the content therein, feel free to email me at tei@fastmail.com or send me a message on Dreamwidth and I will do my best to help you out!

Historical

• theia mania: Alexander, being a god, goes in cycles like a celestial body. (In which the question of "was Alexander the Great divine or just crazy?" is answered with a resounding "why not both?")
• Ineffabilis Opus, In which Aziraphale of Good Omens personally destroyed Pompeii, and then wrote the Cambridge Latin Course series of textbooks. (More GO stories below)
• the sons of dreams outlive the sons of seed: a story partially based on Mary Renault's The Persian Boy and also on this lecture, in which the daughter of Alexander and Thelestris visits Egypt.
• Egersis: 322 BC, Carthage-- is that Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter I see? Egersis is a sequel without a main story (yet.)

Hannibal and HEU

Stories about death:

• alive is afoot, alive is in command: what if Will died first?
• the dead man has left enough: what if Hannibal died first?
• Not Enough: Will kills Hannibal.
• misericordia: two killings in a night. (No death of major characters in this one.)

Stories about music:

• Long Live the Knife, in which Will Graham is a castrato at the court of Frederick the Great, and Hannibal is a court keyboardist.
• except you enthrall me, never shall be free: a S1 AU where Will is an orchestral oboist, and its epilogue-ish sequel, knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend.

Humour:

• the curious incident of the cucumber in the night-time: in which Will and Hannibal met, pre-canon, when ER surgeon Hannibal removed a cucumber from Will's rectum.
• a good fisherman: aka "Spammibal," in in which Will and Hannibal virtually met, pre-canon, when Hannibal decided to practice his English by sending spam email.
• For the Gram, in which Hannibal has an Instagram account.
• Leporidae: Hannibal can turn into a rabbit.

Bedelia stories:

Stories in which Bedelia du Maurier physically, emotionally, sexually or spiritually crushes people

• Substitute: Bedelia doms Hannibal, who gets both exactly and not at all what he asked for.
• vulnerable birds: Bedelia and Will agree to a standing appointment, late-S3.

Other Bedelia stuff

• Coercion: Bryan said Hannibal and Bedelia boned in Italy; this is my version of what that would have looked like.
• Becoming: a crossover with Sex Education where Jean Milburn is Bedelia's post-canon alias/alter-ego.
• Cannibals
• first Bedelia/Jack thing
• once we were dangerous and now: All that Bedelia du Maurier and Jack Crawford have in common is having been left behind.

Abigail stories:

• Family Ties: incestuous murder family story where Abigail wants the parts of Hannibal that Will gets, Will wants the parts of Hannibal that Abigail gets, Will and Abigail want the sibling they never had, and Hannibal just wants his murder children however he can get them.
• what monsters are: it's normal for teenagers to have crushes on authority figures. It's not a problem unless you're Abigail Hobbs.

Coronavirus stories:

• seismology: Spacedogs story about Nigel buying groceries early in the pandemic.
• Disturbing the Universe: Hannibal stress-bakes.

Stories in some way involving the 2020 US presidential election:

• all ye who enter here, written during the period in between the close of voting and the announcement of Biden's victory, about Will Graham doing the same damn thing in that period as the entire rest of the world.
• no relation with the hotel, my contribution to the brief but illustrious genre of the Four Seasons Total Landscaping AU, and my only fic (to the best of my knowledge) sufficiently plugged-in to the cultural moment to have been name-replace plagiarized.

Kinkmeme fills

• Every Good Boy Deserves [CENSORED]: Will sarcastically uses the word "Daddy," and discovers Hannibal is into it.
• ashtrays and time and the rules of disorder: Hannibal’s one vice— besides, well, murder— is smoking the occasional cigarette.
• out of the question: "If it’s a passion thing, if it’s something you’re passionate about, you have to use your hands. There’s no way around it. A gun is out of the question. You’ve got to use your hands. If it’s personal life, yes, hands." -Mads Mikkelsen (AKA: Will carries a gun. Hannibal doesn't like it.)
• rights of ownership: Will develops a thing for sticking things in Hannibal’s mouth.
• Joining the Pack: Petplay born out of Hannibal’s jealousy for Will’s dogs.
• Interanthrope: They switch every full moon. It's not much of a curse.
• Holomorphic: Hannibal takes what he wants from Will, and Will takes what he wants from Hannibal. (BDSM, asexual!Will.)
• man's best friend: Will buys Hannibal a stuffed toy.
• a place for us: Hannibal on the mend after the pool scene in Mukozuke, jerking off to vivid fantasies of his near-death experience.
• fate and circumstance: Hannibal cuts Will open. Again.
• Ayin tachat ayin: But if there is serious injury you are to take life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise. -Exodus 21

Alana/Margot:

• The Turkey Baster Method: Alana and Margot celebrate Mason's death with an insemination and some hotdogs.

Short AUs:

• Sangservi: Will is a vampire.
• a company device: Will gets an iPad. This was written in reference to a short-lived cultural phenomenon in Hannibal fandom and probably means nothing any more. Some people said it made them sad, though.
• Behaviorism: They were murder husbands all along.
• Here Kitty Kitty: the Tiger King AU.
• Successful Psychiatry: Hannibal builds his person suit, chemical by chemical. (i.e.: what if he was on drugs all along?)

Short post-S3 works:

• our bodies won't have secrets now, prompt: the shitting scene from Call My By Your Name.
• the painful knotted end of a rope, entirely inspired by this article: Mads Mikkelsen beat James Bond’s testicles with a rope, he’s about to do the same to Newt Scamander, and if he never did it to Will Graham on Hannibal then it definitely happened off-camera, and now there’s another major franchise hero who’s about to meet the painful knotted end of a rope: Indiana Jones.
• Enjoliver, a Hannigram response to the story of Stéphane Bourgoin's fictions.
• Midnight Snack, for the prompt: "Hannibal coming into his kitchen at 2 in the morning and catching Will eating cheap peanut butter directly from the jar..."
• Experiment: I saw some people positing that Hannibal would never go so far as to hurt Will's dogs/Will wouldn't forgive him if he did. Anything I see stated couldn't happen, I immediately want to make happen.
• Altruism: just some fluffy spanking.
• and who should 'scape whipping: orgasm denial in honour of No Nut November.
• the soft words, they are spoke so gentle: kindness is the real sadism.
• the sleep of reason produces lovers: Amid a peaceful life, Will finds a new form of cruelty.

Missing scenes, etc:

• The Pig's Experience: After the branding, there's one more thing to be done to a Verger pig. (Hannibal/Cordell, rape.)
• Simple: When Will meets Hannibal Lecter, he realizes that Hannibal might be the best thing to ever happen to his career: because Will is finally, finally having sexual fantasies about something other than the killers he catches.
• a good woman: The year after Willy moves to the big city to join the pigs, Will Graham Sr. tries to settle down with a good woman.
• breaking and entering, inspired by the news story in which the ever-inspirational Florida Man "wakes to find burglar sucking his toes, deputies say"

Other Hannibal Extended Universe stories:

• quiet when I'm coming home, aka "the Spacedogs pole dancing story."
• two lies and a truth: Klara (The Hunt) grows up.
• Unburnable Things: an epilogue to Polar.
• Analytic Continuation: Le Chiffre, Adam Raki, chess, math, and moving on.
• Equal: Written on the occasion of posting my 69th fic to the Archive of our Own, Nigel and Adam, well...
• Perihelion: Will Graham only goes to the symphony to engage in some public sex play. Adam Raki is only there to educate the masses on the Solar System.

Good Omens

• Postlapsarian: Crawley carries out his second Temptation of creation. And its sequel, the bum's as holy as the seraphim, where Aziraphale gets him back.
• Ex Libris: You let yourself be press-ganged into a nipple piercing by a gaggle of Victorian debutantes?
• The Private Collection: While Crowley sleeps away the late 1800s, Aziraphale starts a new category in his bookstore.
• Auto Maintenance, ft. Bentley sex, wing kink, and indelible angel jizz.
• Neutral Ground, a story I wrote immediately after watching the entire first series in a single night and completely misunderstanding the ending.